Narcissus Confessionals: The Chase

Aah, I revel in the joys of anonymous blogging. See I get to open up and disclose fairly personal details of my life to a whole bunch of strangers without having to worry about any kind of repercussions. Such is the beauty of the internet one I intend to utilise with reckless abandon. So, the chase. You know, boy meets boy, boy likes boy and proceeds on this chase to win the affection of boy. See the thing about the chase is that it betrays this inherent and fundamental human need to be wanted or desired. The chase becomes interesting, mildly convoluted even, when the object of the chase, that is, the chassee, does not seem to reciprocate the advances that are made toward him by the chaser. This becomes especially difficult for anyone conducting the chase, and two outcomes are likely to arise out of this scenario. The chaser may give up or abandon the chase in the hope of finding more suited subjects to chase, or as often happens in my case, the chaser hardens his resolve to win the affection of the chasee.

Ladies and gentlemen, such is the situation yours truly finds himself in. I bet y’all have heard of ‘easy come easy go’ right? This holds especially true for me. See a lot of blokes tend to literally throw themselves at me..and yes, I insist, literally. Many of these blokes will be easy on the eye, potentially great in bed, and possibly good lovers. And whereas I may give in to the advances of said blokes every once in a while, I’ve reached a point in my life where I appreciate something that’s worked for as opposed to one that’s handed to you on a silver platter. What I mean is, I hope to work to get my ideal man as opposed to having him chase after me like a horny rabbit. The easy types tend to end up at best as flings, if not one night stands. Thus I advocate for the process of dating. What many people fail to realize about dating is that it’s not a binding kind of arrangement. The whole idea of dating is to learn about each other so as to determine if both of you are suited to each other, enough to get into a relationship.

So back to my dilemma. I happened to chance upon this gorgeous man the other day. He’s the stuff dreams are made of, smart, incredibly good looking, high flying career, ambitious, funny, cool, considerate and a very ‘straight’ kinda guy. Don’t chance upon those everyday do we? The thing about him that’s most endearing though is how cool and level headed he is. See, you’re probably waiting for me to pour the illicit details of randy sex with him and what not right? Well, wrong. The guy, let’s call him Matt, is involved with someone and was honest about this right from the beginning. He’s taken to my advances with an air of cool that’s almost intimidating. I’m not one that’s had to try very hard to get me a man, and Matt’s unavailability has only served to make him even more desirable. I do try to honour and respect the sanctity of relationships, really, I do. However, I also tend to be a go getter, and what I want, I go after. The thing about relationships is that if one were to leave their lover for another, that would only be symptomatic of a strained relationship that was probably not going to work right? If the relationship is strong enough, then it should be able to weather ‘the other man’ without a problem. I’m possibly getting to a place where I’ll appreciate a friendship with Matt. As a friend I’d be obligated to want nothing but the best for him, which would include among others, a happy relationship with his man. However this will be a bit difficult for me because unbeknownst to Matt, I have it on good authority, by chance, that his bf is not good for him, and is not in anyway deserving of him! I’d hate to be the one to break the two up, and with my crush on Matt, I don’t see how it wouldn’t be construed as some underhanded agenda to break the two up so I could have Matt to myself, but failure to do it could come back to bite a big chunk off my ass in the future. What to do..what to do..* sigh *