Run in with love

What is love ? I find myself asking this on the odd occasion. One can easily set the mood of a post from the first line and whereas this post will touch on this phenomenon, it will dwell specifically on how my brief encounter with it as well as how it has eluded me for the longest time. I have only ever been truly in love once in my life. It was a blissful six months that forever remain etched in my memory. See this was a feat on several levels. Firstly, as is mentioned before, it was the first time I was truly and happily and in love. Prior to this, I was averse to the very concept of monogamy, and up to this day, still shudder at the mere mention of it. See it has never been too difficult to get a lay, many are those that have lusted over yours truly and I’ve only had, in most cases, to select possible suitors that looked like they could put up a decent to mind blowing performance in, and not limited to, the bedroom. I revelled in my ability to remain emotionally unattached to anyone I had physical relations with, and where such emotional attachment presented itself, it was only up to levels of mere fondness, at most.

Then along came the man of my dreams who literally swept me off my feet. A whirlwind romance from the day we laid eyes on each other, and quite possibly, love at first sight. Everything about that brief romance was near perfect, I dare say. Handsome lad just about my age with ambition and  a high flying career, intelligence that turned me on to the core of my being, a great sense of humour, sweet, kind, caring and with an ego the size of Texas that I was fortunately able to keep in check. The thing about being in love, that struck me at the time, is that you live, eat and breathe your lover. I thought about him constantly, dreading times we’d spend too long apart. We had constant, daily even, phone conversations that lasted for an hour at least at times. The sex was out of this world, further enhanced by the fact that we were both spiritually elevated in the realm of sex, which meant that we could hump in the car in the parking lot on a random night out, perform sexual acts that would scar the average prude for life, or make the prolific porn actor blush, among others.  We’d even developed a secret code of communication that we’d use in situations that required our utmost discretion, such as when we’d hang out with his siblings or other straight friends. And even in such situations, anyone with the discerning eye would quickly pick out the chemistry between us. The most amazing thing of all, at least personally, is the fact that despite my lecherous past, not once did I conceive thoughts of infidelity. I mean, I’d fancy the random hot guy that I encountered, perhaps give credit where it was due in his presence even, but that’s just as far as it went. It was then that I realised that I was capable of committing to a man without the incessant need to lay the next hot as hell #maafaka (twitter habit) on the street. The breakup then happened, something I choose not to dwell on because I’d rather remember the pleasant times we shared.

After a couple of years in the ‘game’ I have matured enough to know that it is actually impossible to sleep with every hot man in the world…apparently (lol) and that ideally I would actually prefer to be in a committed relationship with a man I’m madly in love with, as opposed to one I’d merely settle for until some’thing’ better came along, which is what I consider ‘flings’ to be.  And whereas my lecherous ways have since been subdued by this, among other factors including but not limited to STI’s, reputation and such, I still haven’t found me a man that that makes me go gaga. Sure there have been sexy ass blokes, ones great in the sac, others that have shown me the true meaning of earth shattering coitus, some with endearing wit, but sadly none that constitute a sufficient number of qualities that I’d like in my dream man. I’ve thought on occasion that my standards may possibly be too high, but I’ve come to the startling conclusion that I’d rather be single than settle for less. And if this means that ‘love’ shall be all the more elusive then so be it.